“I” … why ?

I indulge in everything with one pursuit, the unambiguous and persistent but a confused pursuit of completeness, that “this” is going to be the final one, that no more, never again would anything else be required.

The desire of reaching the epitome of tranquility, identification of the uniqueness of my supremacy in ‘everything’ acts as a base motivation of ‘all’ (probably) that I do, Why?
Is this desire inherent in the genetic code I inherited as Home sapiens ? or is it me only !

If I let myself get lured with nomadic tendencies and act on instant appeals, then shall my moves be anything more worthy than a drunken man’s move ?

Nevertheless, I’m confused. I act clearly and with perseverance on this ‘air like’ motivation, which is everywhere but never seen … as if walking in my dreams on instruction from ‘a’ master … as if How long I take and how efficiently I do is all that is “me”; but in that howsoever long time and howsoever inefficient execution I undertake, I am acting on some internal instruction/motivation which is not “me”… or at least I haven’t yet met and identified that “me”

The journey feels painful; the instance of it(motivation or non-motivation) is overwhelmingly un-patronizing. but that which I seek or repel springs from this.

Who am I, where am “I” heading ?